Lonely

It really is a rough thing to get over...

Falling in love with someone who doesn't want to be part of your life. ..

This last year, all I have wanted was to be held in a man's arms, told that I am beautiful and that he loves me....

Will I ever really get what I want...

Ever sence I was a small child, I have dreams of future things, some happen in the natural, some are very foggy and take several dreams for me to put it all together.   One thing for sure, if I remember the dream, it's something important,  and i am aware of it all the time.

In late July or early August of 2013,  i started to dream of a little girl.   She was a cute little thing but terrified of something,  she kept calling out for her Daddy. ..

It was really dark, and she was standing outside of a house.  As I drew closer to her, i noticed a pack of wolves surrounding her.  I slowed my pace, and called out to the girl.  I asked who her daddy was, and where was he...  all she did was sob and call out again.

In late August 2013, i dreamed about the girl again, only this time I saw a man lost out in the woods,  he was walking and walking as if he was searching for something or someone. ...  i called out to him, he answered,  he was looking for his daughter.  

I didn't think of the dreams for a few months... but in December 2013 I met Cary... he was someone I could easily talk to by texting,  but when I met him face to face,  i recognized him from my dream, but the dream made no sence to me anymore.   He only had 2 kids, a 22 year old daughter and an 18 year old son...  but I knew the dream was about him.

In January of 2014, i dreamed of the little girl again.   She was still surrounded by the wolves, but there were less of them... and I saw the man again,  it was definitely Cary...  but what does it mean? 

In February 2014,  Cary suffered a family tragedy.   The mother of his children,  his ex wife had overdosed and she left behind a little girl.  A very cute little girl.   I knew what she looked like before Cary even sent me a picture,  i had her face in to many of my dreams...

A year later, after my first dream of this little girl,  I hear that Cary will have custody, if he can find a 4 bedroom house. .

I am at a loss, why am I seeing this little girl,  if I am not to be part of her life?  Why did I see Cary and fall in love with him, if he is not to be part of my life. 

Why do I feel so alone?   I wanted to make sure that Cary knew exactly what I wanted in a relationship.   Did I scare him off?  I just want a real relationship.   I miss him so much.